“Where is home?”

When I (Chris) lived in San Francisco, it was much simpler.  “I grew up in Michigan.”  That was an easy enough answer–at that point, I had spent all of my life in Michigan and all of my immediate family still lived there.

Things have since changed.  We recently returned to Nigeria from about seven weeks in the United States where we would often bump into people who would ask us where we were from.  “Well…” and then we would launch into a 13 minute monologue on how I was born in Michigan but lived in California before moving to Florida, which is where I met Christie and where she grew up…but we live in Nigeria and that is now home.  (And then ensues the next monologue about why in the world we would uproot our family and move to a country that is making the news for all the wrong reasons.)

We find ourselves calling both the U.S. and Nigeria “home.”  While confusing, it’s also accurate.  We have a beautiful house here in Jos, a community to which we belong, and a way of life which is uniquely ours.  Our passports say “United States of America,” a good majority of our friends and family live there, and when talking with others here we call it our “home country.”

As I type this, I’m looking at a wall hanging that one of our friends gave to us before leaving.  It reads: “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

Thank you, Lord, for providing us with many homes–and that you are with us in each of them.

In the silence and stillness I remember that he’s gone….

Uncle Steve & Judah, July 2009, the last time we saw him.

My dad called me fairly late Monday (Has it only been barely two days?) – late for him, anyway – to tell me that my uncle had died.  I’m in shock.  Complete, total, disbelieving shock.  I find myself numb… sad…. He was young – barely 50 – and so vibrant, full of life.  Sometimes it doesn’t seem like someone who was so full of life should not be living…. 

He didn’t have any children, but oh how he loved being an uncle – and he REALLY loved being a great-uncle.  How he would smile and his face would light up when he was around Annabelle, Clementine and Judah!   I was so looking forward to seeing him and seeing how happy he would be when Judah would inevitably smile and laugh when Uncle Steve would chase him.  I know it would have completely delighted my uncle, and my heart aches at the fact that they will never share those moments, that Judah will never hear my uncle’s big, echoing laugh, will never get to have a relationship with this generous, fun-loving, boisterous man who loved and celebrated life. 

I don’t have any pictures of my uncle with me since I haven’t yet been able to recover my hard drive files, but this is a picture of Judah that I was looking forward to showing my uncle. Uncle Steve gave us some money before we left for Nigeria and said, “Use it for something you WANT, not something you NEED.” We had a beanbag made for Judah in Nigeria, and he LOVES it. He squeals with excitement and speed crawls to it, throwing his body into the beanbag as he laughs and laughs. One morning I even came into the room to find Judah by himself sitting on the chair and “reading” a book. I know my uncle would have been thrilled to know how much Judah is enjoying his gift.

This Saturday we were supposed to have a family Christmas, a late celebration with everyone gathered at my parents’ house… celebrating that we were home from Nigeria, celebrating being together again, celebrating Judah’s first birthday, celebrating all that God has done this year….

And now… now I don’t know how if I really know how to celebrate…. I don’t know how to be normal.  It sometimes feels that life should stop for a moment to mourn with people, but it doesn’t.  It still goes on.  Urbana still continues, babies still need to be fed and bathed and played with, people still go to work, we still need to eat….

This Saturday.  Four days.  We were supposed to see him in four days.  After months and months of waiting for this trip home, waiting for this reunion, our gathering will be so different than our usual loud, fun (and let’s be honest, sometimes argument-filled) gatherings. 

And I know that people always say, “But I just saw him” or “But I was going to see him!” when something like this happens, as if somehow just seeing someone guarantees that you’ll get to see him again, but what else can you say?  How else can we deal with the shock of having someone ripped out of our lives, of suddenly being faced with the reality that the person you just saw or were just going to see is no longer there to hug, to hold, to talk to, to see, no matter that every pore in your being longs for even one more day, one more chance to squeeze him so hard that he would never doubt how much he is loved (not that one more day would really be enough, though)… one more chance to make up for the fact that you forgot to call him on Christmas this year and dang it, on his birthday too, even though you kept meaning to?

I’ve been avoiding asking the question, “How are you?” to my family because I know how we are.  We’re holding up.  But out of reflex I asked my dad that on the phone and then told him, “That’s a dumb question, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, but we have to ask it,” he said.  But how do we respond?  “I’m missing”?  A part of me is gone, is incomplete in some ways.  Maybe it’s like learning to live without a limb – or without electricity.  I don’t think I’ll ever REALLY be used to it, but I deal with it, cope, and some days, really, I don’t think about it too much.  I light a candle and grab a flashlight and know that flashlights and candles and nights without light are the new norm.  Some days, though, it’s all I can think about.  Nothing feels quite right.  Always there is a sense that something is missing, no matter how bright the flashlight is blazing, that it isn’t supposed to be this dark, that this isn’t how life is supposed to be.

A bad analogy, but maybe loss is a little like that.  Sometimes I feel fine, and other times the loss will slam me square in the heart and I’ll start crying as the reality hits me a little more (because there’s still a part of me that doesn’t REALLY believe this).  Some moments seem almost normal, yet always lingering beneath the surface is this acute awareness that this isn’t how life is supposed to be, that there is something, someone, missing, and yeah, you cope, you deal with it because you have to… but it isn’t quite right. 

I miss him.  I miss him already.

Christie and I are serving here at URBANA ‘09, representing Wycliffe.  Here are some snippets from conversations that I have had in the past two days:

• A young man walked into the booth and headed straight for the area where participants can write prayers on a map for various countries and regions.  He was an East Asian Studies major and prayed for the countries in that part of the world.  He enthusiastically signed up to pray for a language through the Bibleless Peoples Prayer Project.
• One young couple from Texas who approached the booth knew very little about Wycliffe or Bible translation.  Twenty minutes later, they were captured with Vision 2025 and how they can use their skills (one is studying education, the other medicine) to accelerate Bible translation.  Then they made meaningful connections with others at the booth.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see them join staff somewhere down the road.
• Another couple in their early 30s, from Iowa, stopped by with a clear vision from God to support the work of missionaries somewhere overseas.  They haven’t yet decided on an organization yet but have already started building their financial partnership team–and quit their jobs last week in order to be flexible for the work which God will have for them!  I had the privilege to pray for them as they discern God’s will for their lives.

I could go on and on about other conversations I’ve had so far–the high school Spanish teacher who is considering moving into a position doing literacy work overseas; the youth leader who is coordinating a trip to the Orlando office for the student leaders in her group; the countless folks who are interested joining the Bible translation movements through sign languages.

I pray with anticipation for what the Lord will do in the next two days of URBANA.

Chris

Our travel from Nigeria to the United States could not really have been more smooth.  Only one delay (due to strong headwinds) into New York.  By Saturday, we were quite pleased with our travel experience.

After two fun days (hopefully more on that in a later post), the travel woes began on Monday in New York City…

10:30 a.m.—Get on the George Washington Bridge for the third time…it’s amazing what one wrong turn will mean in terms of lost time getting to the airport.

11:06 a.m.—Arrive not far behind schedule at La Guardia and security lines look short.  So far, so good.

2:40 p.m.–Land in Detroit (DTW) with no flight issues so far.

2:50 p.m.–Judah plays on the cool plastic toy house at DTW.

3:04 p.m.–Someone else waiting for the flight to Traverse City (TVC) notices that our flight is no longer showing on the screen at our gate…instead the next flight is going to Appleton, Wisconsin (umm, no thank you).  The big board in the terminal is broken.  Other woman calls Northwest and learns that our gate has changed.  Gee, thanks for letting us know, Northwest.

3:15 p.m.–Show up at the new gate to meet Ms. Rudest Gate Agent Ever who, when we ask if we are at the right new gate, scolds us: “Well if you were here three seconds ago you would have heard the announcement.”  Brilliant—make the announcement of the gate change at the new gate instead of the old one.

3:20 p.m.–Flight to TVC, originally scheduled for 3:45 p.m. is bumped to 5:10 p.m. due to lack of a plane.

4:45 p.m.—Boarding begins, finally, for flight to TVC.

5:12 p.m.–Announcement that there is a database problem with autopilot and we’ll be delayed at least 15 minutes.

5:23 p.m.–Announcement that problem is fixed but now there is no staff person to push us back from the gate.  Delayed indefinitely.

5:45 p.m.–After pulling back from the gate and taxiing all over DTW, we stop in the middle of nowhere and an announcement that we are delayed because we are waiting on the weight balance reports.

5:55 p.m.–Announcement that the reports are finished but now they need to be filed.

6:10 p.m.–Plane finally takes off.

7:05 p.m.–Announcement that we’ll be landing at TVC in 15 minutes…finally!

7:07 p.m.–We notice that the plane makes a significant turn and has stopped descending.

7:15 p.m.–Announcement that cloud cover was too low to land at TVC and we were returning to Detroit.  Silence on the plane follows waiting for the pilot to say he was joking…but he’s serious.

7:45 p.m.–Announcement that a gate agent will meet us at the gate who will be able to help us with our travel plans.

8:03 p.m.–A puzzled gate agent meets the angry mob exiting the plane.  Not only does he not know how to help us with our travel plans, he has no clue who we are or why we’re there.

8:04 p.m.–Cell phones emerge and dozens of passengers start receiving different reports from the central NWA phone center.

8:10 p.m.–NWA phone center reports that all flights into TVC for the rest of the day are cancelled.  Meanwhile, we and countless other passengers are getting booked on those supposedly cancelled flights.

8:30 p.m.–New flight is scheduled to depart at 10:05 p.m. so we eat dinner and hunt down a pay phone to call Chris’s parents with the latest details (we don’t have a cell phone with us).

9:45 p.m.–We get all boarded onto the new plane.  Flight attendant can’t focus because of the ultra-cute baby Judah in the front row—Chris holds him up and flight attendant makes announcement that cute baby will be turning one year old in just two hours.  All passengers ooh and aah, and word spreads that said family just arrived from Africa—makes them feel like their “long” travel days weren’t too bad.

10:00 p.m.–Announcement that our flight is cancelled.  Laughter ensues as the situation for those of us that were on both cancelled flights is beyond frustration.  We all deplane.

10:10 p.m.–After five minutes with a somewhat knowledgeable gate agent, we get booked on a flight tomorrow into Pellston.  Off to baggage claim to get our stuff and book a hotel.

10:40 p.m.–Hotel is booked, now waiting for our last piece of luggage (Judah’s car seat).  We strike up a conversation with another couple (Larry and Chris) waiting for a lost bag.  They have decided to rent a car and drive to Traverse City because the weather for tomorrow is not looking much better—and offer us a ride.

10:41 p.m.–We look at each other and agree it sounds like the best option for us, too.  The men head over to get the rental car, while the women stay and take care of the paperwork for the lost baggage.

12:20 a.m.–We finally “take off” from DTW, heading for northern Michigan.

4:30 a.m.–We meet up with Chris’s parents on the side of the road in Kalkaska—almost exactly 12 hours after were scheduled to land at TVC.  YEAH!

Throughout this ordeal, we kept asking God what He was trying to do.  In the middle of our drive north, we discovered that (among other things, I’m sure) He wanted us to find fellowship with our new friends, Larry and Chris.  We enjoyed several hours of discussions on parenting, church, and missions—all in the wee hours of the morning!

Praise God for safe travels, getting home sooner than we would have if we had flown that next day, and for providing for us in ways we did not anticipate in the least!

Less than 3 hours before we head to the airport!  We’re really excited to be able to come home for the holidays — what a blessing!  As we reflect back on our time here, though, we also have much to be grateful for:

• Our relatively good health.  We met with the Personnel Director here yesterday to review our past couple months (and because she said she wanted to make sure we weren’t going to get to the States and then decide not to come back!).  She commented that “aside from Judah’s brief bout with sickness, all three of you have been extremely healthy.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Usually people are quite sick the first couple months they are here as their bodies adjust to the differences, but the three of you have been so healthy.  It’s amazing!”
• A great community of ex-pats here in Jos.
• Incredibly supportive family and friends back home.
• Getting to see how God is working through Bible translation in Nigeria.  We have heard and seen firsthand so many cool stories of God working, and we are humbled and privileged to be able to witness it.
• Mentos and Pringles!  We  rarely ate these in the States, but they’re available here for relatively inexpensively, so we splurge on them for a taste of home.  

Things we’re looking forward to in the States (besides the obvious, of course):

• Cold, non-powdered milk (with cookies, of course — just in time for Christmas!)
• A long, hot shower
• Holiday sales.  Oh, sweet American consumerism, how I’ve missed you! 
• Replacing the stress of inconsistent electricity, water and internet with the stress of living in close quarters with family for a month (Ha ha — just kidding)

Off to do some last minute packing!

Dear Mr. Nigerian Postal Worker,

Where is my package?!  My best friend mailed it four and a half months ago!

Expectantly,
Christie

Since 2006, I (Chris) have been praying for the Uruguayan Sign Language to receive the Scriptures in their language.  I signed up to do this through Wycliffe’s Bibleless Peoples Prayer Project.

One of the cool things about this program is that I receive periodic updates on the status of translation in the language.  When I signed up, I think there was a “definite need” for Uruguayan Sign Language to have the Bible.  And now I just received word that Bible translation has been started for this people group!  What a blessing to know that not only will this group soon have God’s Word in the language that speaks to their heart, but that I get to be a part of it through praying.

To learn more about Bible translation in sign languages, click here or to sign up to pray for a group of your own, click here.

Dear Mr. Internet “Provider,”

Is it too much to expect that since we are paying for continual Internet service, we should actually get it?  At the very least, would it would be too much to ask for at least a couple hours of uninterrupted service – preferably during the hours when we’re actually awake?  Not that it’s an inconvenience, mind you, to get a babysitter and haul myself and my computer to the office – only to discover that it’s out yet again. 

…And not that our I.T. guy actually has a job description outside of troubleshooting all the internet problems (which has somehow consumed about 90% of his time within the past two weeks).  Perhaps, between phone calls and visits to your office, you just really like the recent bonding with him?

Or maybe it’s me?  Is there some kind of Internet User Eagerness Detector built into your system that senses how desperate one is to connect to the rest of the world and then disconnects accordingly?  I’m beginning to take it personally; it seems that every time I get anywhere near the office with the intent of using your services, it malfunctions.

Desperately seeking communication,
Christie

Yeah, we’ve totally hopped on the Dear Mr. So and So trend train….

Every morning at 8:30 a.m. in our office—just like our office in Orlando—we gather for devotions and prayer. We’re currently reading through the book of Isaiah, and this past week we read the following:

“Now I will sing for the one I love a song about his vineyard: My beloved had a vineyard on a rich and fertile hill. He plowed the land, cleared its stones, and planted it with the best vines. In the middle he built a watchtower and carved a winepress in the nearby rocks. Then he waited for a harvest of sweet grapes, but the grapes that grew were bitter.

“Now, you people of Jerusalem and Judah, you judge between me and my vineyard. What more could I have done for my vineyard that I have not already done? When I expected sweet grapes, why did my vineyard give me bitter grapes?”

Isaiah 5:1-4, New Living Translation

As we reflected on this passage, I couldn’t help but look at my own life. The Lord has given me so much—a beautiful family, financial provision, meaningful labor, tremendous colleagues and partners all over the world. If I apply this passage directly to my life, I would say that He has given me everything that I need to produce sweet grapes. In theory, good fruit should be emanating from all aspects of my life, both personally and professionally.

…But what I kept wondering is whether or not I am letting God work through me to make this sweet-grape-thing happen. What more could He do to make that happen? Or, as He alluded to with the Israelites, am I the hindrance that is producing bitter grapes in some areas? (The answer to that rhetorical question is a resounding, “Yes!”) Thank God for His grace and mercy!

Chris